Monday Diaries: Issue 2

I was shortlisted for an award: this is what happened

Last week I said every Monday I look after my children. 

This Monday I got on a flight to Amsterdam to go to an Awards Ceremony as my work on Fertility Life Raft was shortlisted for Best Fertility Service by the European Fertility Society! Woo! 

To be on the shortlist you have to:

• Let go of imposter syndrome or fear of failure (otherwise you’ll never do the application)

• Find the time, cognitive energy and belief in yourself to read through the submission process and categories and work out which ones relate to your work

• Find the time and cognitive energy to write and submit the application

• Let go (again) of attachment to the outcome while you wait to find out

I applied for two awards because that’s all I had the mental capacity to do. (If you read my last Monday Diary you’ll get a good idea of what my life is like!!). 

The way they create the shortlist is by points. So if the judge ticks a certain number of boxes, you’re on it.

I wanted to go to the ceremony in Amsterdam to be part of the international community of fertility professionals making things better and I bought myself a frankly excellent new suit (!) and off I went.

(Making bold choices, being the version of yourself who does this kind of shit sends a signal that we belong in the room with the movers and shakers and you can’t be a leader without first believing in yourself enough to take a chance.)

My online business manager Beth Raymond came with me which amazing. To have the two of us there, flying the flag for the Fertility Life Raft, felt really special. 

So, the question is: did I win?

No. I did not win my friends. In fact, as they were reading out the shortlisted categories, they stumbled on the words and read out: “Family Life Raft”. 

Fertility Life Raft people! IT IS CALLED FERTILITY LIFE RAFT!!

Yes it was annoying. 

Is it worth continuing to be annoyed? 

Nope!

So yeah, I did not win. I cheered and clapped for my friends who did. 

And look, let’s not pretend it is easy to stand on the sidelines and watch others be interviewed, bright lights shining, professional pictures taken, sharing on their social channels that they’ve won, knowing the content will be fantastic and the boost to their business, networks and all the other things will be brilliant as a result.

Would I have loved this experience? Of course! 

Am I genuinely pleased for the friends I have in the fertility world who won? Absolutely. 

Here’s what I’ve been reflecting on since Monday; giving me some major drive and lots of THOUGHTS.

The focus for my work on Fertility Life Raft has never been and will never be about getting pregnant as the main outcome. 

Over dinner, before the awards, I was asked - by someone who has met me multiple times at various events over the years, who follows me on IG and (I thought) understood who I was and what I did - how I made money.

I am a bit perplexed by this! It’s not the first time it’s happened - in fact a few people really close to me, for some time, thought that all I did was ‘social media’. 

(Recently a professor I know said she’d get me on her podcast to speak on my ‘lived experience’ . Now, I am always pleased to share my personal story but also, with respect to fertility influencers: I am not one.)

SO, I explained: I am a certified life coach. I have clients. I have a membership, I run courses. I speak, I consult, I write. My name is on the side of pregnancy test boxes in Sainsbury’s!

(I am not so self-absorbed to believe everyone should know who I am or what I do by the way!! But on multiple occasions, people I have actually met and spent time with have clearly not had a clue what I actually do!)

I think there’s a lesson here somewhere for me and my fellow business owners: never assume people understand what you do or who you are! Be as CLEAR AS DAY, repeatedly! 

And for me personally: what do I need to change so people understand my work AND take it seriously outside my echo chamber? 

I am not a counsellor, I am not a medical professional. I’m not a psychotherapist. I’m not an embryologist. I don’t run a fertility clinic. 

But would the work I do exist, would my business have been growing consistently for the last four years, would I be able to support my family on the income it provides if there wasn’t a massive need for it?

Is it not vital to provide the community, resources and mindset education for those going through this, so they can navigate the waiting, the pregnancy announcements, the cancelled cycles, the ability to find acceptance when life looks different to their friends, the ability to keep going when it seems nothing is going to plan - which is NOT counselling because sometimes that’s not what the client needs? And that is available 24/7 because that’s necessary too? And that is affordable for pretty much everyone? 

Wednesday evening: processing

This is only the second week committing to a weekly diary but it’s already fascinating to me to see how my mindset and self compassion supports me through all the ups and downs of my life!

I definitely felt a sense of disappointment yesterday. But please: do not feel sorry for me! The feeling needed to be there, it’s a normal human reaction which I allowed and then almost physically felt move through me and, as Tara Mohr says in her book, Playing Big, it was like a ‘pop’ inside.... I had processed it. And in an instant, I felt it - as I dragged my suitcase up the hill to retrieve my car back on English soil, I returned to myself. 

I’m so proud of my work even though I didn’t win an award this week. I provide an exceptional global service for a community who really needs it and are underserved - in fact what the last few days has also given me is a real drive to expand awareness and find more innovative ways to grow this part of my business. 

I am also very pleased with myself for managing to actually get the bloomin’ applications in on time in the first place!!!

And you know what, it’s pretty brave to throw your hat in the ring - I look back at my younger self and think how far I have come. So if you’re reading this thinking of starting something DO IT! You never know where it’ll take you…